The only things that I can control in my life are what is inside my hula-hoop.
Throughout my life I was prone to anger or emotional outbursts and overreaction, mostly the result of fear.
I would allow day-to-day frustrations on the job, in relationships, or even on the freeway threaten continually upset my happiness, until one day a great mentor of mine said to me "you need to learn to stay in your own hula-hoop."
It is easy to see then why in today's modern world of social media, 24/7 news and people being easily offended by just about anything, why we have lost our ability to maintain control of our emotions.
The emotions of fear and anger generally come about through the presence of an active or remembered threat of some kind. And, depending on how active or how strong the memory or threat is, quickly determines what is the best course to deal with the threat.
This is called the fight or flight response. There’s not long contemplation of what options are available to the person or what the intended and unintended consequences of their actions could be.
That is why making important life decisions or arguments from a position of anger or fear generally does not work out too well and why angry people can be so unreasonable. They are not thinking their thoughts through all the way. And that is where the practice of the hula-hoop comes in.
It goes a little something like this. Imagine that you have a hula hoop around you, sitting on the floor.
Let’s imagine that you and I are standing near one another and we are siblings who have a very close relationship.
When I jump into your hula hoop to try to “help” you with your problems, I lose myself.
Similarly, when I let you jump into my hula hoop, I lose myself. We all must stay in our own hula hoops, which is not an easy task.
The hula-hoop is a metaphor for gaining and practicing both emotional maturity and emotional intellect.
By being aware of our emotions, we open the door to controlling them to some degree.
It is not about suppressing our emotions or not feeling what you feel. It is about being smart about how you use your emotions to enhance your thinking instead of letting them get in the way.
Emotional maturity and emotional intelligence work hand in hand.
You need emotional intelligence to recognize what you are feeling, and you need emotional maturity not to act out because you are feeling some type of way. They work in tandem and that is where the hula hoop comes into play.
Paying attention to our emotions and putting some regulation and control on them is called emotional maturity.
Emotional maturity is the ability to handle situations without unnecessarily escalating them.
Instead of seeking to blame someone else for their problems or behavior, emotionally mature people seek to fix the problem or behavior. They accept accountability for their actions.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions as well as the emotions of others. You can identify an emotion and respond to it rather than react
Keep in mind that emotional intelligence and emotional maturity are a constant, conscious practice.
The lesson of the hula-hoop has taught me to forgive, to enjoy my life, it has taught me gratitude, to value myself and share that with others.
My sense of self-worth grows daily inside my hula-hoop.
The hula-hoop has brought me an understanding of patience, a sense of calm in my life, improved confidence and self-love, a love of community, a daily excitement for life.
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